Big News

So, we’ve been in the Netherlands for eight months.  We’ve learned a lot about European culture, European people, living in a different country, etc. which has been amazing.

And…after a long, heartfelt family discussion we’ve made a big decision - we want to live in the Netherlands for at least the next five years.  Therefore, we’ve decided to go back to the US, pack up and sell everything and come back to the Netherlands for Alex to start 8th grade here.  We plan to be here (barring any unforeseen changes to expat laws, etc.) until Alex graduates high school.

How did we end up at this decision?

I can tell you the hardest part was acknowledging that we were moving away from friends and family.  That is the main thing we are going to miss in the US.  A big part of the decision was a commitment to traveling back to the US at least once a year to see everyone.  Once we knew we could do that, it made the decision a little easier.

But I’ll try to explain the decision from each of our perspectives.

For Mike, the school is the biggest consideration.  He loves how they teach kids “how to learn” instead of “what to learn”.  In addition, Alex has so many opportunities here that he doesn’t get in the US - whether that is running cross country meets in places like Luxembourg and Dusseldorf or going on a school ski trip to Austria or the Mandarin class taking the train to Chinatown for an afternoon, there are so many interesting things going on at the school that it are real opportunities for Alex to learn and grow.  The schools in the Bay Area are great as well, but going to this international school has really broadened Alex’s perspective. 

Of course, Mike also loves the sense of adventure and the ability to easily travel to new places.  He already has more epic road trips planned through southern Europe and “the ‘stans” (Pakistan, Uzbekistan, etc.).

For Alex, he likes both the school and his freedom here.  He has friends from Portugal, Spain, France, Ukraine, Sweden, …  He seems to really enjoy getting to know kids from lots of different cultures.  And he is able to go anywhere he wants anytime he wants.  He has a bike and a train card and with those two things he can get just about anywhere on his own which gives him enormous freedom and autonomy.

To be honest, my view of this decision is the biggest surprise.  When we planned this one year away I told Mike “I don’t want to do this.  I’m only going because I think it would be good for Alex.  If we didn’t have Alex, I wouldn’t be on board with this supposed ‘adventure’.”  And yet…being here for eight months has really shifted something in me.  I have made mental health strides during the last eight months that are leaps beyond what I achieved in the US (despite putting concerted effort into my mental health).  Things that had really been bothering me have melted away.

A few people have asked me why I think I’ve been able to make such progress.  My answer is “the lack of intensity”.  Being here for eight months has shown me how much of the US (and maybe particularly the Bay Area) feels like a “zero-sum” environment.  “If your kid gets into Harvard, then that is one less slot for my kid.” “If your company gets funded by that VC, that is less funding for the rest of the companies.” “If you get that great role at ACME Corporation, that is one less role for me.”

To be honest, most of the zero-sum stuff that impacted me had to do with kids: academics, extra-curriculars, competitive sports teams, philanthropic activities, summer camps, etc., etc., etc.  Although some competitive pressure is a good thing, we are happy to protect Alex from the more negative aspects. Removing even some of this from Alex also affects my well being.  We feel this allows us to focus on helping Alex grow and mature with less of the ‘do or die’ pressure we feel we have less control over.

To be clear, Holland is not perfect. On many things we will need to work from the opposite end of the spectrum in helping Alex develop a competitive spirit.  Life just moves a little slower and there is less of a feeling of desperation.

Don’t get me wrong, the zero-sum mentality can be a good thing.  I believe it is what makes Silicon Valley thrive (and was part of why I was willing to work so hard for my own startups).  Not having that attitude (to at least some degree) is hurting Europe.  That’s likely a big part of the reason the startup culture here is less successful and their economy isn’t as strong as the US - people aren’t willing to take big risks.

So, it is clear to us how privileged we are.  We were able to participate in the US’s fast-paced culture when it benefitted us - while we were building our companies.  And now we have the opportunity to step away - when we feel it would be healthier for us to be somewhere less intense.

This isn’t a black and white decision.  In addition to missing the people in the US, we’ll miss being around so much interesting innovation and cool things happening.  Mike and I used to go to lectures at Stanford several times a year about interesting topics.  It’s possible the University of Amsterdam has something similar, but it is unlikely it will be as compelling.  Similarly, in the Bay Area you never knew who you might meet at a school event or other function.  Maybe they work for a cool startup or maybe they are involved in some interesting project.  There’s likely less opportunities like that here.

But…overall we think this is going to be a good thing for our family.  

We’ll be back in mid-June and plan on being back in the Netherlands by mid August.  It’s going to be a busy few months for us, but we hope we get a chance to see all of you!