Dutch Branding: The Land of Literal Labels

Now that we’ve been in the Netherlands for about 18 months, I’m starting to notice things that probably wouldn’t have registered if we’d only stayed a year. One of those things is how the Dutch think about brands.

Unsurprisingly, Dutch brands are very… Dutch. Which is to say: aggressively straightforward.

For example, one of the main hotel chains here is called—brace yourself—Hotel. That’s it. Just Hotel. They do have a toucan logo next to the name so you know it’s their Hotel and not, say, some other hotel, but the brand itself is simply Hotel. No “Inn,” no “Suites,” no aspirational adjectives. Just facts.

A Hotel hotel, of course next to a canal (also very on-brand)

This naming philosophy is everywhere.

• The drugstore brand, Kruidvat, literally translates to "Drugstore." 

• The beautiful venue for concerts and shows is the Concertgebouw, or "Concert Building."

• The massive park near our house (a true forest, three times the size of Central Park) is De Bos, which means "The Forest."

• The sprawling mall dedicated to household goods? Woonmall, or "Living Mall." Because where else would you do your living-related shopping?

• The university is the Vrije Universiteit, or "Free University."

If this philosophy were applied to the US, we'd have:

• Olive Garden: "Restaurant for Retirees in Need of Unlimited Carbohydrates."

• Rancho San Antonio: "Incredibly Busy Parking Lots Near Some Hiking Trails."

As an expat, I’ll admit this makes life easier. I’m learning Dutch vocabulary while simultaneously figuring out where to shop. Efficiency!

It does make me wonder if the Dutch were simply ahead of the curve and allowed an AI to handle all their branding in the late 1980s. These brands feel exactly like the kind of efficient, non-creative, and hyper-logical decisions a machine would make. And I’m starting to think they're onto something. Who needs poetry when you have perfect clarity?