How to Actually Set Sail, Get Married in Croatia, and Eat a Lot of Gelato

You might remember last April when we were all set for a grand cruise to Istanbul and Ephesus. Naturally, fate had other plans, which is how we ended up in Paris instead. There’s a saga here involving broken ships, frantic travel planning and at least one croissant so good it made us briefly forgive the universe. So, demonstrating the loyalty of golden retrievers, we rebooked the exact same cruise for next April, only to find out (in the middle of the “sell-everything-and-leave-California” chaos) that the cruise line had decided to swap out the two ports we actually cared about. So… we rebooked. Again. Take three: Croatia, Montenegro, Italy, and Greece.

And…drumroll, please…this cruise actually happened. That’s right. Here’s the recap.

We started in Venice, which, as it turns out, is a lot like Amsterdam if Amsterdam had more marble and fewer bicycles. Charming, yes, but also rather fragrant.  Apparently 40% of the houses still drain their sewage straight into the canals. Lovely to look at, less lovely to smell.

The next morning, we boarded our fully operational ship (points for progress!). We sailed with MSC, a very European cruise line, which suited us fine.  Not luxury, but it did spare us from navigating toll roads in multiple languages. Bonus: during daylight, the ship’s disco was gloriously empty, making it the perfect spot for cutthroat games of Farkle and Uno.

Quick PSA: considering a European cruise line? There are perks and pitfalls. Major perk: hardly any Americans onboard. We find Americans generally a bit much (it’s allowed, we’re American), though presumably people from other countries are equally extra, we just miss it because it’s in another language.

Major pitfall: every single announcement is broadcast in four languages, at full volume. Get ready for your conversations to pause, for a while.

But let’s get to the good stuff. First stop: Dubrovnik. Mike spotted all the “Game of Thrones” scenes while Alex and I executed highly convincing “nope we don’t care about dragons” routines. Highlights: Dubrovnik had a super cool old town, our guide was quite insightful about the culture, and Mike and I renewed our vows at the shiny new port. (That’s renewal number 18 for those keeping score.) I can officially claim I’ve been married in Croatia. 

Our vow renewal. Any idea who the photographer was?

On to Corfu, Greece.  Knowing what ship buffets taste like, we wisely booked food tours at every stop. Corfu delivered: vegetables so fresh they made you believe in miracles, bread and tzatziki that seemed to have been created to inspire dramatic poetry, honey worthy of an entire sonnet, and gelato basically invented for existential joy. We also learned about the city’s patron saint who roams the streets at night, presumably also chasing his next great snack.

Corfu

Montenegro followed, with a boat trip to Our Lady of the Rock and some old WWII sub tunnels blasted into the mountains (10 out of 10, would definitely recommend). Then an extremely bumpy ride to a sea cave for swimming. Montenegro: where real life looks exactly like the travel posters and the correct thing to do is eat more gelato while being impressed with yourself for being there.

Mike and Alex swimming in a sea cave in the Adriatic

Next, Bari, Italy. Last year Bari was the site of our “surprise Paris travel shuffle” and did not blow us away, but this time it redeemed itself. We toured the old town, devoured true focaccia and orecchiette, and (just in case you missed the pattern) more gelato. We got to experience the full spectrum of Bari during our tour, from adorable old town to sleekly modern city, which was quite refreshing compared to the usual "Here's another Old Town" tour.

Finally, Zadar, Croatia: unexpectedly interesting. I hadn’t heard of Zadar before this trip, but apparently history collected Roman, Venetian, and Austrian souvenirs and then forgot to tidy up. We grazed through a local market, sampled more pasta and...you guessed it...gelato, because we believe in consistency.

St. Donut's (really!) chapel in Zadar

We like to chat with our tour guides about life in their countries. This week European university admissions were a recurring topic. Apparently, things work in reverse compared to the US: it’s the public universities that attract all the top scorers (and they’re often free or nearly so if you score well on the admission tests), while private universities are where you go if you didn’t do such a great job on the exams but happen to have cash. So, the best and brightest go public, and the rest go private. Go figure.

To wrap up, by the end of the week we had:

• Boarded a functioning ship (check!)

• Added two new countries, numbers 22 and 23 since June 2024 (check!)

• Eaten food more to our taste than Dutch cuisine (sorry, Netherlands) and better than cruise buffets (check!)

• Learned real history in between bites (check!)

I call that a triumph. And as always, gelato was involved.